Jest the Funny Bits

Jest the Funny Bits is a collection of Bill’s comic poems, plays and short stories. He had a lot of fun writing them and he really hopes you have fun reading them. However, spoiler alert, they’re not for everyone. If you’re a humourless sour grumpy-pants, whose face would split in two if you attempted to smile or laugh, then, whatever you do, don’t read this book!

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Jest the Funny Bits is a collection of Bill’s comic poems, plays and short stories. He had a lot of fun writing them and he really hopes you have fun reading – and, in the case of the plays, acting in – them. However, spoiler alert, they’re not for everyone. If you’re a humourless sour grumpy-pants, whose face would split in two if you attempted to smile or laugh, then, whatever you do, don’t read this book! Also, since it is sure to induce giggles, it is best not to read it out loud. After all, humour is contagious, so if you start laughing, you could cause of a charge of chuckles, even a gush of guffaws. We’re sure you wouldn’t want that on your conscience. By the end of the book, you may think the author is a very silly person. You’d be right, too, but at least he’s not a humourless grumpy-pants.

Bill Condon

Bill has written more than 100 children’s books which have been published by companies such as Allen & Unwin, Random House, and Queensland University Press, et al. His writing includes novels, short stories and non-fiction, and collections of plays and poetry. Three of his young adult novels, DogsNo Worries, and A Straight Line to My Heart, were shortlisted in the Children’s Book Council of Australia Awards. Dogs won the CBCA Honour Book of the Year (2001), No Worries won the CBCA Honour Book of the Year (2006), A Straight Line to My Heart was CBCA Honour Book of the Year (2008), Daredevils was a CBCA Notable Book (2007). His junior novel, The Simple Things (Allen & Unwin) was CBCA short-listed in 2015. No Worries and A Straight Line to My Heart were also shortlisted for the NSW Premier Awards. Bill was the winner of the inaugural Prime Minister’s Literary Award in 2010 for Young Adult Fiction. He was also short-listed for the PM’s Literary Award in 2012. In more recent years his plays, poems, comedic sketches, and short stories have been frequently published in the New South Wales School Magazine. Bill and his wife, the well-known children's author, Dianne (Di) Bates, live on the south coast of New South Wales, Australia. They are both full-time freelance writers.


The Lost City!

Welcome, Thrill Seekers! My name is Bradley D. Mented, and I’m the star of Bradley Does the Impossible! So, settle back in your favourite chair, strap on your seatbelt, and get set for the scariest, most incredible, MOST EXCITING RIDE OF YOUR LIFE!

In today’s amazing episode, I will explore the lost city of Arewethereyet. No one has been to this city for ten thousand years – you can’t get any more lost than that! LET’S DO IT!

You will notice that the picture on your TV screen is jet black. Do not be alarmed.

Everything has gone dark because at this very second, I am climbing down a hole in the desert that leads directly to the lost city.

Ahead of me there are certain to be strange and fearsome creatures. If I’m lucky, there might even be monsters!

It’s dangerous. It’s a death trap. In other words, it’s perfect! Bradley D. Mented eats danger for breakfast!

Bring it on!

I’m sure everyone watching this is shaking in their shoes right now. But just think how much scarier it is for me. Apart from my director, camera crew, medical team, make-up artists, cook, security guards, and Freddy, my teddy, I am completely alone!


Just testing my scream, folks.

(It’s working well.)

Of course, I don’t really think I’ll need to use my scream today because nothing in the whole world scares Bradley D. Mented!

Except mice.

Oh, how I hate those creepy critters, with their ferocious teeth and their big staring eyes and – MOUSE!


Tremendous news, Thrill Seekers! I have just broken the world record for climbing out of a hole that leads to a lost city!

While my security guards fight off the mouse, let me tell you a little about someone who is really, really fascinating – me!

For those of you who have been living under a rock, long before I started hosting Bradley Does the Impossible, I was voted as the star with the shiniest teeth! I can’t wait for smiling to become an Olympic sport!

Righty-ho-ho! I’ve just been given the all-clear to go back into the hole, folks. So, the adventure begins again.

Down I go, down, down, and down some more. This hole goes on and on. Hmm . . . I think I might have just worked out why the city was called Arewethereyet. How interesting! Meanwhile, I’m still going down, and falling awfully fast – too fast. Something’s wrong.

Oh no! My rope has snapped!

I’m zooming down the hole.

My director is cheering. My crew is clapping. This is television gold!

There is no way I could possibly survive a fall like this. Unless . . . I haven’t cut my fingernails in ten years, just so I could use them if my rope snapped as I was climbing down a hole to a lost city.

That’s what I call thinking ahead!

Now for the tricky part.

I dig my nails into the sides of the hole.

Ouchie! Errgh! Yikes!

Oh well, who needs fingernails anyway? Not me.

I’m falling faster and faster. But I mustn’t panic.

Calmly, I take out my mobile and make a call.

‘Hello. Is this Police Rescue?’

‘Yes, it is.’

‘Lovely! How are you today?’

‘Good thanks.’


‘How can we help you?’

‘Oh yes, I almost forgot. I’m falling to my death, and I’d like to be saved.’

‘Please state your nearest cross-street.’

’There isn’t one. I’m in a hole.’

‘In that case you’ll have to ring the Hole Rescue Service.’

‘Will do.’

‘But leave it for an hour or so. They’re having lunch now.’

‘Okay. Thanks for your help.’

‘It was nothing.’


Could this be the end of Bradley Does the Impossible? Will I plummet to my death? Will a monster jump out and gobble me up?

Will there be more mice! A normal human being would be terrified!

It’s a lucky thing I’m not normal!

Tune in next week, Thrill Seekers, for another action-packed episode of Bradley Does the Impossible! Until then, let me leave you with this thought – AARRGGHH!

ISBN : 9781922830333
ISBN: 9781922830333, 9781922830340
Categories:, ,
Tags:, ,
Page Length: 260
Weight N/A
Dimensions N/A

Ebook, PB


ePub, PB, pdf

Customer Reviews

1-5 of 2 reviews

  • IP (Interactive Publications Pty Ltd)

    Warning: Open this book at your peril! You are about to enter the untamed wilds of Bill Condon’s imagination. Jokes, gags, twisted rhymes, outrageous puns, riotous characters and all the things you least expect lie in wait around every corner. Be prepared to smile, giggle, laugh, groan and guffaw. You might just need a new funny bone when you’re done.

    – Michael Gerard Bauer, author, The Things That Will Not Stand

    July 14, 2023
  • IP (Interactive Publications Pty Ltd)

    Jest the Funny Bits by Bill Condon (IP Kidz), RRP $25.00 Middle Grade ISBN 9-781922-830333
    Reviewed by

    Jest the Funny Bits presents as an unassuming book with its clean white cover featuring a juggling jester, signalling that the reader will be in for some fun. But – wow – this collection of poems, short stories and plays really packs a punch!

    The book is divided into three sections. The first is a collection of short poems which are an assortment of unconventional ideas, such as a knight stuck in his armour being saved by a can opener. Beware the dad joke humour, such as paying a bargain price for a tree which is dead. (A Christmas tree – ha ha and so true!) My favourite poem was “Uncle Jack” which begins with a hint of C.J. Dennis’s A Bush Christmas with a visitor for Christmas, except that Uncle Jack creates a new calamity with every move he makes. Luckily, the police turn up for a chat after his boomerang lodges in Grannie’s ear and before things get much worse.

    The second section consists of short stories which immediately grip your attention and entertain the reader with their no holds barred plots (who would even think to buy an elephant’s foot?, could there be a librarian who eats children?), expressive similes (“lips curled like two strips of half-cooked bacon”) and the occasional tender moment. Even the most reluctant reader is guaranteed to chuckle and return for the next kooky story. For students and aspiring writers, reading these is like being treated to a master class in great short story writing.

    The third section is made up of short plays that are fast-paced and packed with puns. Readers won’t be able to resist dressing up as Dracula or transforming into Captain Scurvy to put on their own performances. These plays would also be great material for class activities at school.

    Witty names (used, for example, with the knights Sir Prised, Sir Rounded, Sir Loin and Sir Cumference, the jackass exploits of Bradley D. Mented where D stands for Dangerous and interviews by Professor Noah Lott) flow prolifically throughout the book. Traditional tales are twisted (find out how Jack of Jack and the Beanstalk fame actually made his fortune and what crime Kimberella committed at the Ball) and no plot unfolds as you would expect.

    Each poem, short story and play is independent, so reading the chapters out of order works perfectly well, especially if you want to get stuck straight into a short story or play. The variety of tales and techniques used by Bill Condon in creating Jest the Funny Bits had me thinking of him as a modern-day Henry Lawson. I highly recommend this book as a total surprise packet with its plethora of choice for short, wacky reads guaranteed to give a good laugh before bedtime.
    – Susan Hancy, Buzzwords

    September 20, 2023

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